THE DEVIL WEARS KHAKI....

I have been in Chandigarh (Mohali to be precise) for about 6 months now n It’s a lovely place. It’s a haven for youngsters in every sense of the word. Nice tasty junk food, nice handsome and gorgeous looking guys and gals for both the sexes to ogle at, and nice wide roads for youngsters to show off their driving (or shud I say racing) skills. But I wouldn’t call it a paradise coz no matter how beautiful or flawless it is, it has its own devils. The devils in c’garh r none other than our very own pot bellied grandly turbaned traffic policemen. Now these pot bellied officers don’t work for the law they just “work” to fill their big round pots. They are not here to save senseless pedestrians from getting killed. They are in simple terms; on the lookout for “A.T.Ms”. They are usually seen just before festivals for some quick withdrawals in the “bank” (traffic signals tht is!!). They do not try and prevent probable deadly accidents but they lay in wait, hidden like predators waiting for their prey. They let the ppl break the law n once thts done, ur done for. There is no room for mercy or pardon. If ur caught (n provided ur not an influential persons kith or kin) then u better get ready to pay up!!

          The first thing tht these DEVILS threaten u wid is the “Challan” n they start writing on it as if it were ur death sentence. They also tell u, like a very concerned person, how much this challan and the running around for it, is gonna cost u (Bloody if ur so concerned then just let go). If ur new to the place then ur most definitely vulnerable to fall for the “Challan bait” (as I wud like to call it!!). And one thing about these creatures is tht they talk so sweetly as if they were a friend who u had not seen for a long time. Imagine the voice of the sweetest person u know and now imagine that person saying Kya karein beta ab tum signal thode ho to hum logon ko bhi majbooran kuch karna padega na (as if he is really trying hard not to but some heavenly forces are forcing him to do it!!). Chalo chalo challan kaat dete hain (aisa lagta hai jaise seb kaatke apne haathon se khilana chahta ho!!).Hearing the sweet tone u think there is room for getting down on ur knees, pleading n getting away wid it n u try ur best but he goes (even more concern now) like nahi beta daro mat ek challan kaat dete hain bas 200 rupiya dena padega aur tumhe yaad bhi reh jaaega ki signal thodna nahi hai (as if he is ur dad giving u a lesson about life).

Even after all the sweetness, u for one, know tht u have gotten into some big shit n u definitely wanna get outta it without losing face. The first thing tht comes to ur mind when u get caught breaking a traffic law for the first time is something extreme, like maybe getting jailed & ur parents having to face the shame of u getting caught n all that (n if ur really filmy even more)!!!

You then know tht there is no way outta this so u ask him….Sir kuch kiya nahi ja sakta hai kya? Now thts the standard question that the giver of the bribe in India asks and the receiver’s standard reply is mostly: Thode “Gandhiji” nikalo aur sab bhool jaaonga (Thts wat all corrupt officers refer to illegal money as “Gandhiji”….Hmmm how ironical!!). Now u see a ray of hope & start taking this lightly like a market bargain (the wrong thing to do!!) so as always u try giving them something small like a 50. Now their “sweet” face turns into angry violent gestures n he says Ye kya hai?? Ab challan kaatoon??. Now u get scared n pull out a 100 n he cools down. Now there is another thing bout givin bribes, the way it is given (Probably can call it “THE ART OF BRIBING” and open classes for it on Sundays!!). It is followed by everyone as if it’s a tradition (although I personally think it’s useless for the purpose that it’s used for). If you were giving a bribe for the first time then u wud just give it as if like were paying some vendor for some vegetables u just bought from him n if ur gonna do tht, he’ll go ballistic. He’ll say things like Kya kar rahe ho??(Angrily) Yahan rakh do, raising his challan book towards u. I, to this day, haven’t really got the hang of this technique; does putting money into a challan book make him invisible to the onlookers??!! Anyways thats the traditional way of doing it (N we indians don’t let go of our traditions no matter what it is tht we’re doing!!). Once u have paid him the words “now go” sound like music to ur ears. U don look back, u don’t flinch, u just sit on/in ur vehicle n flee the spot (As if the DEVIL cud still be following u!!). N when u reach home u look back at the ordeal that u just had, n content wid urself and wat u did, u think:  Phew that was close I was almost in jail for a second there and I also saved a 100 rupees (hmmm….Come to think of it bribing did make u happy didn’t it!!)

P.S: No Offence Meant To The Honest Traffic Policemen In India. We Know Ur Scarce And V R Proud Of U…