THE DEVIL WEARS KHAKI....

I have been in Chandigarh (Mohali to be precise) for about 6 months now n It’s a lovely place. It’s a haven for youngsters in every sense of the word. Nice tasty junk food, nice handsome and gorgeous looking guys and gals for both the sexes to ogle at, and nice wide roads for youngsters to show off their driving (or shud I say racing) skills. But I wouldn’t call it a paradise coz no matter how beautiful or flawless it is, it has its own devils. The devils in c’garh r none other than our very own pot bellied grandly turbaned traffic policemen. Now these pot bellied officers don’t work for the law they just “work” to fill their big round pots. They are not here to save senseless pedestrians from getting killed. They are in simple terms; on the lookout for “A.T.Ms”. They are usually seen just before festivals for some quick withdrawals in the “bank” (traffic signals tht is!!). They do not try and prevent probable deadly accidents but they lay in wait, hidden like predators waiting for their prey. They let the ppl break the law n once thts done, ur done for. There is no room for mercy or pardon. If ur caught (n provided ur not an influential persons kith or kin) then u better get ready to pay up!!

          The first thing tht these DEVILS threaten u wid is the “Challan” n they start writing on it as if it were ur death sentence. They also tell u, like a very concerned person, how much this challan and the running around for it, is gonna cost u (Bloody if ur so concerned then just let go). If ur new to the place then ur most definitely vulnerable to fall for the “Challan bait” (as I wud like to call it!!). And one thing about these creatures is tht they talk so sweetly as if they were a friend who u had not seen for a long time. Imagine the voice of the sweetest person u know and now imagine that person saying Kya karein beta ab tum signal thode ho to hum logon ko bhi majbooran kuch karna padega na (as if he is really trying hard not to but some heavenly forces are forcing him to do it!!). Chalo chalo challan kaat dete hain (aisa lagta hai jaise seb kaatke apne haathon se khilana chahta ho!!).Hearing the sweet tone u think there is room for getting down on ur knees, pleading n getting away wid it n u try ur best but he goes (even more concern now) like nahi beta daro mat ek challan kaat dete hain bas 200 rupiya dena padega aur tumhe yaad bhi reh jaaega ki signal thodna nahi hai (as if he is ur dad giving u a lesson about life).

Even after all the sweetness, u for one, know tht u have gotten into some big shit n u definitely wanna get outta it without losing face. The first thing tht comes to ur mind when u get caught breaking a traffic law for the first time is something extreme, like maybe getting jailed & ur parents having to face the shame of u getting caught n all that (n if ur really filmy even more)!!!

You then know tht there is no way outta this so u ask him….Sir kuch kiya nahi ja sakta hai kya? Now thts the standard question that the giver of the bribe in India asks and the receiver’s standard reply is mostly: Thode “Gandhiji” nikalo aur sab bhool jaaonga (Thts wat all corrupt officers refer to illegal money as “Gandhiji”….Hmmm how ironical!!). Now u see a ray of hope & start taking this lightly like a market bargain (the wrong thing to do!!) so as always u try giving them something small like a 50. Now their “sweet” face turns into angry violent gestures n he says Ye kya hai?? Ab challan kaatoon??. Now u get scared n pull out a 100 n he cools down. Now there is another thing bout givin bribes, the way it is given (Probably can call it “THE ART OF BRIBING” and open classes for it on Sundays!!). It is followed by everyone as if it’s a tradition (although I personally think it’s useless for the purpose that it’s used for). If you were giving a bribe for the first time then u wud just give it as if like were paying some vendor for some vegetables u just bought from him n if ur gonna do tht, he’ll go ballistic. He’ll say things like Kya kar rahe ho??(Angrily) Yahan rakh do, raising his challan book towards u. I, to this day, haven’t really got the hang of this technique; does putting money into a challan book make him invisible to the onlookers??!! Anyways thats the traditional way of doing it (N we indians don’t let go of our traditions no matter what it is tht we’re doing!!). Once u have paid him the words “now go” sound like music to ur ears. U don look back, u don’t flinch, u just sit on/in ur vehicle n flee the spot (As if the DEVIL cud still be following u!!). N when u reach home u look back at the ordeal that u just had, n content wid urself and wat u did, u think:  Phew that was close I was almost in jail for a second there and I also saved a 100 rupees (hmmm….Come to think of it bribing did make u happy didn’t it!!)

P.S: No Offence Meant To The Honest Traffic Policemen In India. We Know Ur Scarce And V R Proud Of U…

My (Un)forgettable trip to Kulu Manali!!

My parents basically are from a research background and that’s wat they do wid any travel plans; they make it their research project and do a thorough examination. And their new project-A trip to the gorgeous kulu Manali. Oh yeah, and I almost forgot to mention, their favourite research technique-THE TRIAL AND ERROR METHOD. The result, we end up spending double the amount of money on bookings. So anyways the plan was finally set after “some Trial and mostly Error method”. I did not care about all that coz I was overjoyed tht I was gonna meet my mum dad and ma sis aftr quite a long time. Since all of us were staying in different pockets of India, all of us had to come to a rendezvous point and wat better place than India’s capital New Delhi (I know it sounds like a military op!!). As I lay alone in my house in Mohali the night before I was supposed to leave for Delhi, I was already there in kulu manali . I was seeing myself doing all the fun stuff I had only heard about and seen on television. I was dreaming myself standing amidst a blanket of snow, making snowmen and having snow fights wid my sis. I even had made up my mind for some excellent pics which I cud then upload on facebook and bout a 101 ppl commenting on them and liking them (“I wud be a hit on fb!” I dreamed). I wanted this night to get over soon so tht I cud get to New Delhi and eventually Kulu and get down to my business of sculpting on ice like a Madame Tussads or so(Although it was just a snowman who I cud only name after an Amitabh Bacchan or maybe a Brad Pitt!!!). The flight journey to kulu was mostly boring until towards the end when we started flying o’er snow capped mountains. Kulu was starting to live up to my expectations. “I m gonna be a hit on fb” I thought again and now the expectations had doubled now there were images of me doing a little mountain climbing and all that in my mind. The plane started descending but as I looked down I noticed tht we were precariously close to some water body but all my fears vanished when I saw the runway in sometime and it was a perfect landing (else I wouldn’t be here sharing this experience!!). When we got outta the plane the scenery was beautiful. Now let me try to paint a picture of wat I saw. The fog was just enough to make the place look beautiful and romantic. The whole airport was in a valley amidst three or four mountains. It seemed like the mountains had completely cut the airport off from the outside world. After the gorgeous view sank in I turned a little sceptical. “Hmmm no snow here” I thought. Apparently all my other family members were thinking the same thing as we put the question to the driver, who was supposed to drive us to the hotel, in the most interrogative fashion. The driver then told us that it does not snow in kulu but v’ll probably find some snowfall in manali which is a li’l higher. All of us then fully convinced by the localite left for manali which is about 50km away or should I say upwards.

 We reached Manali and still no snow. This was starting to piss me off and the expressions on my family member’s faces said a similar story. It was a prepaid cab and the payment was made at the airport itself. Before v could sit him down for another session of interrogation, he unloaded the luggage and left. When v turned back the entire luggage was unloaded and there was no cab on the spot where it just stood minutes ago.

Now mom had booked this hotel online and online it’s just a dreamland isn’t it, “Get rooms for four plus free food for just some really small amount”. Mom went ahead and booked it and when v reached there it turns out the food wasn’t free and the room wasn’t as gr8 as they praised about it.

When we reached the help desk of the hotel first question in our minds was not about the food or the stay it was “where the hell do v find snow here?” The hotel manager a confident man in his 50s smiled probably seeing how gullible we were to have a believed that taxi driver. He said “wake up early in the morning, I will arrange a cab for u. Go to the Rohtang Pass and u will definitely find snow o’er there.” I was still a little skeptical coz after all v almost found snow twice in the day already.  But my mom, now she is a positive woman she was convinced by the definitive answer from the manager. She looked at a snow capped peak far away and said “I m sure that’s the Rohtang pass. V’ll definitely have a great time tomorrow” and she chalked out a whole plan for the next day.

Rohtang pass had now become the top priority for everyone on their imaginary to-do lists (except dad whose top priority, come wat may, is always food!!). The next day quite early in the morning v started off for rohtang. The cab driver made us buy some rented jumpsuits for the snow. That just made us more positive and all of us felt this cud be our lucky day (“and my chance to be a hit on fb!!”). And so we started ascending towards Rohtang wid our spirits high. As we had gone up a considerable distance turning thru the hairpin bends and long gorges our spirits started to dampen. Now even the gorgeous terrains of the place had started to seem utterly boring. As we pass thru another hairpin bend the cab came to a halt and the driver said “There we reached the Rohtang pass”. As we looked outta the windows we were stunned, there was nothing. When we enquired around a li’l more v came to know that it snows throughout the year except in October (No prizes for guessing when v went there). As we were walking around for sometime some horsemen came o’er to us.  

The conversation with the horsemen went something like this:

H: Sir, do u wanna see snow. It is there up there in those peaks v cud take u there on our horse. It’ll cost u    per person

M: Are u sure there is snow up there?

H: Yes sir I m very sure about it.

M: Are u really sure?

H: Yes sir there maybe snow sir.

M: Wat do u mean there maybe? Are u really sure?

H: There might be some snow sir.

M: I don’t believe u.

H: Sir the truth is there is just a pile of snow which is almost gonna melt away so if u wanna come please do come soon n stop wasting my time coz I have got other customers waiting.

M: No thank you.

We did see a lotta places nice places in kulu manali but who am I kiddin the trip was all bout the snow n we jus cudn’t find it!!! Apparently Kulu manali had made a laughing stock outta us!!